Is nuclear war on All Saints’ Day legal? Against overly dramatic, sex-less, noisy, noisy, NOISY neighbors? Who have been quacking and squealing and cursing in tongues for the past three hours? On a HOLIDAY?

I know you can’t choose your family, but certainly you MUST choose your neighbors. And with all the uncultured, idiotic slums out there, I simply do not understand the choice of living beside tired, underpaid citizens of a third world country… and yes MY house too. Who cares about your personal dilemma? We should, since we have college degrees and all, but NOT ON A FREE MONDAY.

As if I’d let this pass. I hope the bloodthirsty tabloid reporters get here on time.